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VC Intelligence Report

Coffee Joulies

Hardware — Drinkable coffee sooner
Hardwareperpetualest. 2016
■ Inactive
Verdict from HTTP liveness real
last probed Aug 26, 2026
Pulse 0.0 · 1/4
0.0
Pulse Index
1/4 families · real
-8.0
30-day Δ
pulse momentum · real
17
HTTP probes
liveness history · real
3
Functional tags
observed attributes · real
Risk read derived from observed signals

Observed dead: the site no longer answers as a live product. Pulse momentum is negative over 30 days (-8.0) — observed activity is receding. Observation is liveness-only: no tracked press, repository, or traffic rank — existence is confirmed, momentum is unobserved.

HTTP liveness

real
17 probes · Jun 16, 2026Aug 26, 2026aliveredirecteddeadunverified

Signal telemetry

4 families · 1 observed · observed only
Liveness probereal
alive in 0% of 17 probesavg response 3572 ms
Developer tractionchecked · none
No public repository linked — GitHub signals are not tracked for this product.
Press & sentimentchecked · none
No coverage found in the tracked press corpus. Absence of press is itself a signal at this stage.
Web footprintreal
resolved host
joulies.com
edge
behind Cloudflare
server
cloudflare
Tranco rank
unranked
Domain age & certificate data not yet collected

Analyst read

generated from the observed metrics above · no external narrative

Coffee Joulies's site returned a hard-dead response when we last probed it on Aug 26, 2026, so we mark it inactive. It has fewer than two observed signal families, so no Pulse Index is composed — the evidence strip shows what is and isn’t present. Observed footprint: 3 functional tags. It has no curated competitive-alternative edges yet, so the comparable set below is functional tag-similarity — read it with the confidence flags.

Comparable set

curated alternatives → functional tag-similarity
CompanyBasisOverlapPulse30d ΔStatus
MYBELLhardwaresimilar100%16.00.0→ redirected
Likkies Brushhardwaresimilar100%8.00.0— unverified
Foodinihardwaresimilar100%30.4+22.4● live
Fonhandlehardwaresimilar100%16.00.0→ redirected
LaViehardwaresimilar100%9.50.0— unverified
Poppy Formulahardwaresimilar100%16.00.0→ redirected
SnapRayshardwaresimilar100%43.2+32.0● live
Navdyhardwaresimilar100%42.90.0● live

Confidence reflects source and category coherence: curated = an editorially linked alternative; similar = strong functional tag-overlap in the same category; tag-overlap = shared tags only and may be noisy. Overlap is the shared functional-tag ratio (Jaccard) for tag-matched rows. Pulse is the observed-activity index real and 30d Δ its signed month change; a dash means insufficient observed history, never zero.

Structure

observed attributes
Business modelperpetual
Liveness tiersunset
Competitive alternativesnone linked
Open sourceNo
Public APINo
Free tierNo
Enterprise tierNo

Funding & team

not in source

No disclosed funding in our sources. Funding data covers only ~1% of the corpus (462 rounds across 79K products), so absence here is unknown, not zero— we don't estimate a number we can't source.

RAW TELEMETRY last 14 probes
PROBEDHTTPORIGIN → RESOLVEDSERVERMSVERDICT
2026-08-26 12:05Z404joulies.comcloudflare1876dead_404
2026-08-18 13:14Z404joulies.comcloudflare2192dead_404
2026-08-11 00:10Z404joulies.comcloudflare1767dead_404
2026-08-08 06:01Z404joulies.comcloudflare2609dead_404
2026-08-05 18:22Z404joulies.comcloudflare3495dead_404
2026-07-30 17:36Z404joulies.comcloudflare1969dead_404
2026-07-18 15:31Z429joulies.comcloudflare2515unknown
2026-07-16 09:41Z10009timeout
2026-07-10 10:30Z10005timeout
2026-07-04 09:19Z404joulies.comcloudflare4297dead_404
2026-06-23 13:39Z404joulies.comcloudflare1651dead_404
2026-06-21 21:56Z404joulies.comcloudflare2432dead_404
2026-06-20 20:03Z404joulies.comcloudflare2739dead_404
2026-06-19 15:18Z404joulies.comcloudflare2453dead_404
Full redirect chains, response headers, and DNS records are not captured by the current probe.
Launch Sentinel tear sheet · Coffee Joulies · as of 2026-08-28 · launchsentinel.com/reports/coffee-joulies · liveness, pulse and press figures are observed data with provenance shown per panel.